He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
