wakey wakey hands off snakey
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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