my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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