I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
