i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Are my feet made of real feet?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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