shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
