My room smells like vodka and shame
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
