Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have surprise drugs for everyone
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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