her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
