can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize