i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
