I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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