Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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