You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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