On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
