your parents love me but you hate me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
MIDGETS
????
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
