6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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