There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
