I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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