we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
