So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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