he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
