VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
