just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
