I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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