So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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