Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
