I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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