Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
