So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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