Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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