One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Enjoy the penises
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
