she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
