So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
