i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
