my sisters under your porch take her home
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
