Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
