Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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