dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
