I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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