i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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