a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
