Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
