your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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