pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
