i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
