so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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