You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
