apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
