Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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