no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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